Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
