Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
