I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
