you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
