the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
