You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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