shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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