its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My ass is underappreciated
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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