imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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