Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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