you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
