The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
