He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize