if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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