i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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