you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
