I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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