i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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