I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
