my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
