Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is