would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.