he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!