hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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