Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
