Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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