Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Your face is a jimmy john

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself

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(310): View more from California

I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.

(1-310): View more from California

Make one for john too.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.

(573): View more from Missouri

Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(616): View more from Michigan

I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct

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(720): View more from Colorado

hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.

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(305): View more from Florida

I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...

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(518): View more from New York

It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now

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