Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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