New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
