new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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