you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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