I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
