ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
