for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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