The maid of honor just puked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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