if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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