I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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