I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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