I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently the secret to your success is patron
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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