sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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