This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
