Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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