im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
