I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
