Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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