sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
