Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
