They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize