I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
