he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
