The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
