The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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