Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
