I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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