I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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