Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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