all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
